Kate Gompert finally took a real breath. ‘And then no matter what I do it gets worse and worse, it’s there more and more, this filter drops down, and the feeling makes the fear of the feeling way worse, and after a couple weeks it’s there all the time, the feeling, and I’m totally inside it, I’m in it and everything has to pass through it to get in, and I don’t want to smoke any more Bob, and I don’t want to work, or go out, or read, or watch TP, or go out, or stay in, or either do anything or not do anything. I don’t want anything except for the feeling to go away. Understand that. Anything. Do you understand? It’s not wanting to hurt myself it’s wanting to not hurt.’